A Tearing of Muscle

"I love you so much," someone would always say to someone else. Whether or not it was spoken with sincerity and in earnest was always a coin flip, so to speak, no matter who was speaking to who. It depends on the person what that actually means as well, to love someone. It may translate to "I would die for you" or "Only you make me smile" or even something as simple as "I know you're a great person." Each meaning is important and no less heartfelt and meaningful than the others.

"Fine! Then I hate you too!" he screamed awkwardly as he slammed the front door to his own house, that he shared with the one he loved, and marched through the pouring rain to his car. As he walked around to the driver side and put his hand on the door he heard his lover's voice.

"I don't love you at all any more," she said to him in the world's most defeated tone.

The most damaging collection of words regardless of who speaks them. There are people who are idolized for many things. Some are actors and star in movies. Some are musicians are make music. Some write books. Their names are on best seller lists, television shows, magazines, and mentioned on the nightly news. At work someone asks a co-worker if they saw the latest episode of some television show last night and they, of course, had seen it. If those actors or musicians, those celebrities, die they are still very much alive somewhere. It makes no difference if they had cancer, were murdered, or decided to jump in front of a train. Having someone love you, in whatever meaning of the word, was much like being famous.

He drove on the empty streets for hours. It was nearly six in the morning, they had been arguing all night. His thoughts were moving almost as fast as he was driving.

"Who else would love me like she did?"

"How could I ruin this?"

"I can't believe I hurt her."

And on and on. He was unsure what he had done to her, though. All he knew was that he did something. She wouldn't tell him, of course, because that is just not how things work. He wanted nothing more than to make her feel happy and needed and to help her whenever she was in trouble. He loved her even if he felt she wasn't being understanding enough. Even if she somehow thought he had actually meant to do whatever he did to her. He continued driving, ignoring whatever lights he came across.

Unfortunately, perhaps, when someone somehow decides that they no longer love someone that other person, if they had loved them back, will continue to do so. If one person needs comforting then they can get it from the person who still loves them. If the other person needs comforting they have no one to go to. They aren't loved. Quite unfair. So why doesn't the other person just turn them away when the one they love come to them?

He kept driving. He didn't want to go back to his own house, she would be there still. He knew if he went back there she would just yell and he would get angry and then they would fight. He would rather she hate him then have himself get angry and spew words from his mouth that would only be true for a few minutes after they were spoken. He didn't blame her, though. He loved her and just wish that they could better communicate. If only she would explain what he did he would give his life to fix it. To be loved again? Yes, or even to just start over as friends.

When two close people suddenly become distant or even hate each other, or one of them hates the other, there is really no cure. Maybe, just maybe, if both people can admit fault then it can be healed. If one person realizes that even though they feel betrayed or used or hurt that it wasn't intentional then they may be able to fix things. If one person realizes that they may have hurt the other person just as much as they were hurt, then maybe they can repair and love each other again. The level of maturity required for this on both parts, regardless of circumstances, is quite high, though.

The back end of his old car went spinning violently as the other car collided into him. While he did not exactly want to die his only thoughts were of the one he loved and how he really hoped she knew that he never meant to hurt her and how he would always be there for her even when she didn't care about him. His hands moved frantically around his car as he tried to stop, all he could see was the inside of his car and then the violent, incoherent blurs of the world spinning outside. He was panicking and screaming, he thoughts suddenly were tossed everywhere and he couldn't concentrate. He tried to think of a way to stop the car but just couldn't think of anything. The front end of his car slammed into the body of another vehicle, his windows shattered all over him and the passenger seat, and his eyes closed.

The easiest way to fix whatever is broken between two people is often some terrible tragedy. Something to bring to light how much both parties really care. Another unfairness of love.

When he opened his eyes he was outside, his head hurting against the cold pavement, and all around him were paramedics and police officers and lights of various colors. His loved one was crying into his chest.

"No! No, please! Please be alright, please! I love you so much, I need you!" She was terrified. He tried to sit up more and just put his arms around her and started to cry with her.