Facing Choices

She faced the sea, it looked beautiful. The water calmed her anxious soul, she'd let her hair loose. Let it fly with the wind, while she tried and gathered her thoughts. She knew life had never been easy, but could it possibly be so hard. The choice that she had to make was a loose-loose situation, now the question was, what was she ready to loose? What would it be?

She started to walk, small and steady steps towards her destination. She hadn't decided what she was going to do, but she had to go and she had to choose. It was almost like walking on a rope knowing you would fall, the only question was how and where you planned to fall. Taller than most people, she walked on the beach, her slender body had not been groomed lately, though even that did not effect her innate beauty.

She slowly did reach her destination, still undecided. She was too met him at the beach restaurant, she liked keeping her self close to water- It calmed her, she needed that sort of support. Seated at the table which was closest to the water, she gauged her watch, She was early, an entire hour early.

She fell into a daze, memories started flowing threw her head, she was full of emotion. Precisely 1 month from today, she had to meet the doctor, the lumps near her neck had started to create functional breathing problem for her. She knew she was ill, but didn't know the scale of her disease. After her small, still crisp conversation with her doctor she had walked out of the hospital feeling nothing at all. She was dumbfounded and didn't know how to react to this swift change in her life. As she approached her bed that night all she did was cried. One tear rolled out after another wetting her pillow, she knew she had to let it out. She did, all night long.

Her life had never been perfect, but thats how she preferred it, falling, fighting and learning on her way through. 25 years of this process and she had learned to love it, Life she called it, Falling, Fighting and learning. She had a perfect family, irritatingly loving sibling and a loving boyfriend accompanied with a painful boss, over achieving colleges and a dog that always managed to pee on the carpet everytime. For a whole month she carried the baggage with her, never even giving an ounce of suspension to her lover. Now she said was the time.

The sound of waves crashing on the white sand brought her back to reality, leaving her dazed state away. She saw him walk, He looked gorgeous she fought back a tear. Would she ever see him again? His khaki pants and white shirt, illuminated his body, he could give any model a run for their money.

Shaun knew something was wrong, he'd never seen her so frail, so helpless. He's fallen in love with a firefighter, ready to pownce the minute she was given a chance. Faith had changed, it itched him, he needed to know.

Shaun sat right opposite her, Faith just starred at the water, trying to gather some courage. She had to be strong she said, she had to for him. She finally looked at the man who sat opposite her, her love. "Shaun, I know I haven't been myself lately. I owe you an explanation." Her hands began to fumble. "Shaun don't interrupt me, let me pour it out. Today I need too. You have been more than what I could have asked for. All the times that you cuddled me to sleep, all the time you made me laugh on silliest of jokes, is what ill carry with me wherever I go." She knew she was going to cry, she knew she had to finish this before she broke down. She couldn't see him so lost, that's what was breaking her. She slowly fiddled with her fingers and managed to remove the beautiful ring he had given her on her birthday.

"Marry me my butterfly, and let your colors fill my life" he said and she'd known then that the life would only get better. She slowly placed the ring on the middle of the table, she didn't look at his face, she couldn't.

" I'm sorry Shaun, I cant marry you. I love you too much for having you go through the emotions that the future of my life will bring. It wont be fair, for anybody, and I cannot let you go through it. Ive got a few more weeks or less, before I leave your world, this world. This is the hardest choice for me ever, but I must take it and I may be wrong. But these are the last few decision my freewill life will let me take. I want to share them with you, but I don't want to burden you with the memories, I want to go out and live life, with you, but I don't want you to miss me for the rest of your life. Who am I kidding, I know you will miss me, I am already missing you"

Tears began to roll "I already miss the fact that I wont get to hold our children closer every night, or kiss you goodnight, I already miss throwing plates at you out of anger, I already miss acting angry with you just to get all you attention."

"I know ill live these few weeks, and try and give my cancer a hard time to get too me, while doing so I know ill fall, I know ill give up. I will ask god, taunt him, asking him why me and not the man who raped so many women and is healthy. I know it will take me more that what I have to fight, Fight to even live one more day. Ill fight shaun, I will. But I know ill Die, I know I wont see you again."

" I'd love to live the rest of my little left life, married to the man, whose a god send angle in my life. But now im being selfish aint I. I know it will be hard for you, after im gone. But you'll get up, you better, I didn't date a looser now did I. When I snoop on you from heaven, I want too see you trying to impress that pretty face. Just don't use the shady line I've broken the ice now can I talk too you'. In your strength to get back to life will give me strength to embrace my death."

"We were born to die, sweetheart. I don't want to go through this alone. But I want to be there for you, you help me embrace death, ill help you embrace your life. If you let me! Why cry over what is going to go. Help me rejoice my love."

She had said it all, he looked at her, he was week. He walked over to her. There was silence. Took her hand and walked towards the water. The sat very close to the water, letting the water kiss their feet. He sat behind her embracing her, smelling the sent of her hair. They sat all night, saying hardly anything, letting nature do its magic, and they mingled in their hearts and soul's

2 months from then, faith embraced death. She lost her battle to cancer. Shaun learned to live. They carried their pact to the best of its potential.

Life is all about taking the soul to soul bond beyond its bodily essence, and elevating it to be omni present. Whenever Wherever.